Thursday, January 28, 2010

to steal from fall out boy: it was a take over, cause the breaks over

I am writing unusually earlier than usual. My time stamp on my blog is a little off (I keep on trying to figure out how to change it, but can't) but I know that I never write this early. I had a bad day yesterday, terrible to be blatant.

I cried as soon as Chris came home. I cried for a good half an hour. Just because of nothing. Nothing at all. He came into the apartment and I burst into tears. For no good reason. He wanted me to call off of work because of how I was acting but with me only having ONE job now that is part-time, I can't do it. Why would I want to lose both jobs?

He was right. I should have just stayed home. I cried at my job too. I guess it has all come to the point that it is all to much for me to handle. I've been sick, I've been laid off, I have no direction. Yesterday when someone said something to me I broke. There I was head down on the desk crying. It was like something took over me and I couldn't stop. Embarrassing? Yes. Good for me, maybe.

I've had a job since middle school. I was a newspaper carrier (won carrier of the year) and helped out at my parents work (we had a home business). I worked all through high school, with weeks ranging from 37-40 hrs. I remember the amount of hours because my English teacher told me that it is illegal to work that many hours while going to school. Then in college I was a T.A., taught swim lessons, and modeled for the Art department. Even on my breaks when friends went to all kinds of vacations I worked back at home to make sure that I had money to live on.

I'm not saying that I haven't traveled. I had the good fortune to make time and travel all over the world. What I am saying is that when a person has been pushing their self for so long and now there is no really good reason to do it, what is there to do?

I lost a job that I hated. But I still lost a job. And now without a job I don't know what to do with my day or with my life. I am lost.

I went to four and a half years of college. I should have a career. Instead what I have is no direction or idea on where to go next or how to move forward. In college the classes you take don't matter. It only matters if the department takes the time to teach you where to apply, how to apply, and to prepare you for the future outside of college. I took the required classes, I got the grades to prove that I am capable. What I didn't get, like so many college graduates struggle with, is knowing what then to do with my degree. How to get the job, or even how to prepare for that job that you might enjoy.

How many of us are out there that graduated and now are working dead end jobs that they hate? I bet more than you think. A college degree is starting to turn into a high school diploma, a dime a dozen. It doesn't matter if you have the degree, only if you know how to use it.

It leads me to ask---Where was the college credit on that?

1 comment:

  1. Here here!

    I agree whole-heartedly. With everything. I have had more nervous breakdowns related to my directionless life and lack of career path... it's all very scary!

    I wish it was different for the both of us, but for now-- misery loves company.